It is the culmination of my '80s being

When I first saw this on the Internet this morning, my heart swelled with joy, watery fowl sang out from Lake Itopia, and I heard the lush orchestration of the Star Wars cantina band playing faintly over a majestic sunrise.

Dream Authentics is peddling one of the most grandiose toys -- nay, not a toy ... a lifestyle -- that any '80s fan could possibly acquire. Like the holy grail itself, it cannot be saddled with a formal name. So here we'll just call it The Ultimate Tabletop Arcade Machine and Reason For Living.

It plays more 200 classic arcade games including Asteroids, Centipede, Tempest, Pac-Man, Defender, Space Invaders and my personal favorite -- Great Swordsman (also my nickname in college). And of course, it'd be the signature addition to the '80s redecoration effort at the Spears Lair.

Sadly, the $2,500 price tag conspires to keep me from fulfilling my destiny. But if selling my Buck Rogers in the 25th Century lunchbox and Battlestar Galactica trading cards gets me any closer to earning the required green, then so be it.

Annoy your co-workers with Diamond Dave

David Lee Roth -- a mighty gift from the rock gods ... or just a very annoying self-indulgent heavy-metal cliche? Hell, let the blowhard critics decide that.

Here's the good news: There's a website out there that will allow you to channel the high-revving, testosterone-dripping magnetism of Diamond Dave -- and at the same time drive your co-workers through the roof. It's the "Running with the Devil Soundboard."

Now, anytime you feel the urge, just click a button and hear Dave squeal "Oh, God, I'm running! Yeaahhh!" or "Yes, I'm living at a pace that kills!" It's genius enough to make you wanna quit your job, grow your hair back out and feather it with that comb you used to keep in the back pocket of your navy blue corduroys.

Help decorate the ultimate '80s lair

It's a comment I hear all the time: "I bet the Spears Lair is a museum-like monument to the '80s. You should put photos of it online."

Sadly, that's so far from the truth. I have a Hunter S. Thompson poster, a couple of small paintings of Key West and a shelf full of DVDs. That's pretty much it. So I'm thinking that with the new year, the Spears Lair needs a new look. An '80s look. And I want your opinion on things to add to it.

Here are a few options I found for sale online (and feel free to suggest anything else you can find):

RISKY BUSINESS POSTER: Sometimes, you gotta say what the ... hey, $132 for a movie poster? What the %#%#??? Check it out. I could buy a smaller one for $20.

BEAN BAGS: Dating way back to the days when I'd feather my hair and play Hi-Infidelity before school each day, I have an unnatural love of bean bag chairs. And then I get a girlfriend and I'm forced to throw it away. Should I give it another shot?

VALLEY GIRL POSTER: I go back and forth on which is my favorite '80s flick, but this one definitely is top 3. (Sadly, the Vegas Girlfriend hates my other fave -- Where the Buffalo Roam.) Also, the poster looks nothing like Nic Cage or Deborah Foreman. For sale here.

SPUDS MACKENZIE NEON SIGN: Remember the days when selling beer wasn't about calories? It was just about adorable pooches. For $479, which is probably outside my budget, I can score this cool neon sign.

THE CLASH POSTER: Just $16 for a London Calling poster? Done and done. Can you think of a better band to immortalize on the wall?

GIANT RUBIK'S CUBE STEREO SPEAKER: The frontrunner for the coolest thing you'll see on the Internet today. Sadly, the neighbors of the Spears Lair would disapprove of a 15-inch subwoofer for my stereo. And the $1,586 price tag would mean no more grocery shopping until July. But I can dream.

ALBUM COVERS: These blasts from the past make cool wall decorations. Bananas Music and Movies in St. Petersburg has the largest collection of old vinyl in the known universe. Last time I visited the place with Sean Daly, we spent an hour in the warehouse and came home with covers to Duran Duran's Seven and the Ragged Tiger, Styx's Paradise Theater, Cyndi Lauper's She's So Unusual and a dozen more.

Okay, that's a start. What else could I add?

'80s headlines for 2009

The new year is barely a week old and already I'm thinking of 2010, when I can write up a brilliant (and largely unappreciated) summary of the '80s-related news of 2009. Here are just some of the headlines I'm hoping for:

• MTV returns to pre-1985 programming schedule
• Oingo Boingo reunites for annual Halloween show in Tampa Bay
• Martha Quinn joins as full-time co-host of Stuck in the '80s podcast
• Police burn stash of Members Only jackets found in Detroit suburb
• Members Only fan club burns stash of Police albums found in Detroit suburb
• John Cusack agrees to sequels for Say Anything, Better Off Dead, The Sure Thing
• Annabeth Gish becomes assistant '80s blogger for tampabay.com
• Vegas Girlfriend becomes Vegas Roommate
• Brat Pack to star in modern remake of Chariots of Fire
• Ione Skye agrees to become assistant to assistant '80s blogger for tampabay.com
• ZZ Top members wake up in Clearwater hotel and find beards shaved
• Times pop music critic survives miracle beard transplant surgery; thanks ZZ Top
• Madonna calls it quits from music career; 'I suck now' she confesses
• Bryan Adams releases box set of '80s hits, tentatively called "I'm sorry, Steve. I do love the '80s."

Anybody else have an '80s wish for 2009?

Tron 2.0 trailer is released!

Warning: Spoiler alert for hard-core '80s fans.

Hey, I warned you. Everybody ready for this remake or what?

Max Headroom turns 50 years old

Actually, it's Matt Frewer, the actor who played "Edison Carter/Max Headroom," who turns 50 years old today, but we like to stretch things from time to time.

Frewer also made small appearances in a slew of other '80s flicks, including The Lords of Discipline, Spies Like Us and Ishtar, but it was the quirky TV series that really made him a headliner. The show only lasted 14 episodes during the 1987-88 season, but that was enough to make it one of the best-remembered shows of the '80s.

"Max was fantastic for me, because basically it was a double calling card playing both roles," Frewer told UGO.com once in an interview. "Coming to L.A. as an unknown actor, it was a fantastic thing for me to have this."

In the years after Max Headroom, Frewer kept busy acting, mainly in small parts in TV series including Star Trek: The Next Generation and Miami Vice. He continues to star on TV today, often in his native Canada.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE 'MAX HEADROOM' LINES:

5. "How can you tell a network executive is lying? His lips move!"

4. "Yes, t-t-t-t-tune into Network 23! The network that's a real mind-blower!"

3. "Y'know ... I get the feeling there's a lot of faces out there ... watching ... me! And I can tell you it brings a lump to my ratings. Yes, this is Network 23. The net-net-net-net-network that puts it right ... where they want you to be!"

2. "Converts are the worst bigots."

1. "Most people would agree that censors are a silly breed. In fact, it surprises me how they ever manage to breed at all."

Nobody digs Purple Rain - but us

It's been three months since we've convened the Stuck in the '80s gang at the Spears Lair for a DVD audio commentary. That all changes tonight when Sean Daly, Stephanie Hayes, Vegas Girlfriend and I record our epic commentary for Prince's Purple Rain.

Why Purple Rain? (Burp! Why not!?!) Because it's an '80s -- dare I say -- classic. Heavy on music, light on dialogue, a little requisite frontal nudity and the fashion is just faaab-ulous. VGF and I know the movie line by line. Stephanie will be seeing it for the very first time. And count on Daly to bring his usual selection of sexually tinged aloof comments in between trips to the bathroom.

It'll be a late-night affair, with Mr. Daly bringing up the rear by arriving about 10ish -- probably with a freshly half-emptied bottle of Crown Royal. In the meantime, food for thought.

TOP 5 PURPLE RAIN LINES FROM MORRIS DAY:

5. "Say the password, onion head!"

4. "Let's have some action! Let's have some a---- wigglin' ... I want some perfection!"

3. "I'm gonna make you love me."

2. "Your lips would make a lollipop too happy."

1. "How's the family?"

God help us all: Chick flicks of the '80s

Because sometimes I even use an online dictionary ... "CHICK FLICKS: Movies with melodramatic themes that appeal more to the stereotypical interests of females than males. Also commonly called romantic comedies, chick flicks often are tearjerkers with female characters, fairy tale storylines or tales of feminine bonding."

(What, so no Dragnet here?) I'm proud to say I own exactly two movies that would fall squarely in this category: When Harry Met Sally and Flashdance, though the Vegas Girlfriend tells me there is way too much T&A in Flashdance for it to be a chick flick. (As if!)

Which brings me to the point of today's item: In this week's Stuck in the '80s podcast, we're covering the Top 10 Chick Flicks of the '80s. We're still formulating the final list, so feel free to join in. There are obvious frontrunners -- Steel Magnolias, Beaches -- but also a ton of borderline picks like Say Anything, Pretty in Pink and Sixteen Candles.

Here are some others we're not sure about:

AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMEN (1982): Can a movie where Richard Gere gets kicked in the testicles really be a chick flick? That seems like a plot line that males and females can equally enjoy.

THE PRINCESS BRIDE (1987): Inconceivable! Princess Buttercup goes all submissive when the Dread Pirate Roberts arrives.

HEATHERS (1989): Personally I don't buy this one as a chick flick, but I suspect I'll be outvoted by this week's guest co-hosts. How very.

THE FRENCH LIEUTENANT'S WOMAN (1981): Umm, did anyone actually see this movie? For all I know, it's a war movie. (Which is the only way it'll find its way on the Netflix queue anytime soon.)

Feel free to add some other non-obvious picks.

What's New Year's Day without ...

Could U2's New Year's Day be the ultimate '80s song for today? Tell me your favorites. Here are a couple that come to mind.

SAME OLD LANG SYNE (Dan Fogelberg): It still sounds like a '70s song, doesn't it? (Karaoke version)

1999 (Prince): Weren't you glad we never had to hear this again after New Year's Day 2000? (Video)

CELEBRATE (Kool and the Gang): Some people say this ought to be considered one of the worst songs of the '80s. Hey, that's not Kool. (Video)

START ME UP (Rolling Stones): Safe to say that the Stones had a better '80s career than The Who or The Kinks? (Video)

PARTY OUT OF BOUNDS (the B-52's): Why this song gets no love is beyond me. (Live performance)

People celebrates the '80s

It's not an old issue of People magazine. It's the new "Celebrate the '80s" edition of People, and it has been popping up on newsstands and in bookstores around the U.S. over the last week.

For a measly $12, you can get then-and-now photos of Richard Gere, Eddie Murphy, the Brat Packers and more. There's a feature on really bad '80s fashion (as if!!), along with features on the top movies, music and TV shows from the decade (television ... you know ... the thing we never talk about on the blog and podcast).

There are even some really great pics of today's stars -- Kirsten Dunst (looking like a blonde Annie), Angelina Jolie (oddly looking like Boy George), etc. -- as they appeared in the '80s.

Don't look for any deep meaning behind the 144-page special edition. It's People magazine, and it's just a fun excuse for sending their interns digging into the old photo files. But for the '80s Nation, it's a must-own guilty pleasure. And if you missed it at your local grocery store, bookstores like Amazon.com are selling a hard-cover version as well.

Top 10 new releases of 2008

With 2009 nearly here, state law dictates I can wait no longer to reveal any Best of 2008 lists. And looking back on this year, we had a lot of things worth celebrating tonight -- mainly the new music from our favorite '80s acts.

I'd be shocked if 2009 brought as many good new discs from bands we've worshiped for nearly 30 years now. Are you listening, Bono and Thomas Dolby? Please consider that a formal challenge.

So here are my top 10 favorite new discs from '80s acts released in 2008. I've heard each of these start to finish, but see if you can guess which one CD I gave to music critic Sean Daly and said I never wanted to hear again.

TOP 10 NEW RELEASES OF 2008:

10. BLACK ICE (AC/DC): Those hard-rocking Aussies pride themselves on every album sounding the same. Still, they could have at least picked a better album of theirs to parody. But hard-core fans are happy, and that means something too. (Read review)

9. LIVE AT SHEA STADIUM (The Clash): This would be a top-five contender, except it's basically just an unreleased concert CD from the early '80s. Still, it's brilliant in nearly every way. Just avoid Rock the Casbah. (Read review)

8. SONGS FROM THE SPARKLE LOUNGE (Def Leppard): Old school, baby. O-L-D school. And we dig that about these guys. Please break out the Union Jack T-shirts on the next tour!

7. CHINESE DEMOCRACY (Guns N' Roses): The album everyone wanted to hate, but can't. It's better than expected, but not as good as it should be. (Read review)

6. VENUS IN OVERDRIVE (Rick Springfield): Rick takes his time on new releases and doesn't over-think the lyrics and melodies. That's right ... KISS (Keep it simple, Springfield). And it pays off big for him again on this completely likable album. (Read review)

5. TRAFFIC (ABC): Martin Fry considers himself an elder statesman of pop. But anyone who bought this album or caught them this summer on the Regeneration Tour is ready to lobby to land him a better job title. Prime Minister of the New Romantics maybe? (Hear interview)

4. FUNPLEX (The B-52's): All the time away from the recording studio didn't cause our favorite Athenians to lose their libidos when it comes to writing sexy, playful dance tracks. And give them credit for inventing my favorite word of 2008: Booty-bots! (Read review)

3. ACCELERATE (R.E.M.): Finally an album by R.E.M. (our second-fave group from Athens, Ga.) that we're not ashamed to add to our CD libraries. Crank it for Supernatural Superserious. (Read review)

2. REVELATION (Journey): What more can be said about new singer Arnel Pineda? After all these years, his face and vocals resurrected the Journey franchise. (Read review)

1. 4:13 DREAM (The Cure): A surprise pick for No. 1, but Robert Smith and gang turned out an album that rivals any in their deep collection. Lyrically poignant, musically breathtaking and emotionally nourishing. (Read review)

I'm leaving out: The Greatest Songs of the Eighties (Barry Manilow), Phoenix (Asia), Hole in the Sun (Night Ranger), Twentyfive (George Michael), Bring Ya To The Brink (Cyndi Lauper), Hard Candy (Madonna).

Chariots of Fire: Cause or cure of insomnia?

When the Stuck in the '80s krewe takes their annual holiday sabbaticals, we tend to screw up our internal clocks (and internal organs) big time. Case in point: I was wolfing down spinach and mushroom pizza and bourbon yesterday at 11 a.m., but still up til 3 a.m. this morning unable to sleep because my all-time favorite movie about English Olympians competing against Americans in Paris was on TV.

I know. Right now, you're asking: WHICH movie about English Olympians in Paris? (The one with Chevy Chase as the wisecracking shot-putting Lord Sussex and Andrew McCarthy as the mopey sprinting prodigy The Earl of Backshires? No!) It's 1981's Chariots of Fire, and .... no, wait! Don't click over to Sean Daly's blog. I'm here to defend one of the '80s best period pieces. (Watch the trailer and feel the flow.)

TOP 5 REASONS TO GIVE 'CHARIOTS OF FIRE' ANOTHER CHANCE:

5. IT REALLY HAPPENED: Yeah, it's a true story about English sprinter Harold Abrahams (Ben Cross) and "The Flying Scotsman'' Eric Liddell (Ian Charleson) and their gold medal efforts at the 1924 Summer Olympics held in Paris.

4. IT WAS THEIR HIGH-WATER MARKS: Cross would go on to decent roles in Steal the Sky (1988) and Dark Shadows (1990). He'll also play Sarek in the new Star Trek movie. Charleson was good in Ghandi and maybe even memorable in Oxford Blues (a feat in itself). Sadly, he died in 1990 (ironically while performing Hamlet on stage).

3. IT WON A TON OF AWARDS: It was nominated for seven Oscars, winning four including Best Picture and Best Original Score (that classic ditty by Vangelis). What flicks did it best for the top prize? Try Raiders of the Lost Ark, Reds, On Golden Pond and Atlantic City.

2. IT HAS A TON OF BEEFCAKE: "Ben Cross is so freakin' hot," gushed Vegas Girlfriend when I mentioned why I came to bed so late last night. She can't remember a thing about the plot. But Ben, his sexy accent and brooding looks? It's like Spanish Fly to her.

1. IT HAS KILLER QUOTES: I'm a movie quote junkie, and Chariots of Fire is like chocolate-covered crack to quote junkies. My favorite: "I'm forever in pursuit and I don't even know what I am chasing."

I hear you, Harold. I hear you.

Vacation mania at Stuck in the '80s

Hey gang, it's vacation time here at the Spears Lair. But don't fear: I'll still be blogging every day -- usually while Vegas Girlfriend is in the other room sleeping. That way, I can scarf down all the hummus and Diet Coke in the condo.

VGF's journey to Florida had a real Planes Trains and Automobiles feel to it. (Frankly, anyone who lives north of Clearwater, Fla., just deserves that. Move OUT of the North, my dearest '80s snowbound friends!) Her trip lasted 12 hours and included two power outages in the Detroit airport, a two-hour delay for fuel on the runway, two missed connections in Atlanta and another two-hour delay for a tardy airplane before finally arriving in sunny Tampa. (Current temperature: No clue. I have the A/C running so it's 74 indoors for sure.)

After many cocktails to ease that stress, we caught Avenue Q last night at Clearwater's Ruth Eckerd Hall. If you've missed it, check out this clip featuring the character "Gary Coleman" singing along with the cast for "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist."

Next on the agenda: Watching the four-disc complete set of National Lampoon's Vacation movies, which I got for Christmas, while sipping a little St. Germain. In true dork fashion, we will NOT be watching chronologically, but rather from worst to first. It's an obvious ranking, but here goes...

RANKING THE VACATION MOVIES (along with the best "Rusty" line from each flick):

4. EUROPEAN VACATION (1985): "Oink oink, my good man!"

3. VEGAS VACATION (1997): "Holy crap, Wayne Newton's hittin' on Mom!"

2. CHRISTMAS VACATION (1989): "Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog ..."

1. VACATION (1983): "That was a crummy Wyatt Earp, dad. He was wearing jogging shoes."