Red lipstick saves the day!

So, I got back to work from vacation in the middle of the week, and I'm discombobulated. I haven't unpacked or done any laundry. My bangs are being little evil witches that WON'T LAY RIGHT. My body clock is all screwed up. And for some reason, my once-attractive self tanner has crackled on my skin into something that resembles the scales of Lizard Man, High Priest of Lohan Swamp.

I'm a mess, is what I'm saying. So what do I do when I feel like a mess? Red lipstick!

It is the easiest, quickest way to PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, MAN. Even if you're wearing baggy jeans from 10 pounds ago with black Bubble Yum suckered to the butt, and you haven't done your roots in three months, and you have Mount Vesuvius on the side of your face, the lipstick looks great.

Red lipstick makes your teeth look whiter and your lips look fuller. It adds cheeky glamour to any look. Think of all the times Gwen Stefani has trotted around in, like, wrestling boots, cutoff shorts and her signature red lip. It pulls it all together, regardless of what you're wearing. And it never goes out of style.

Try it, I'm serious. You'll feel pretty. Here are some of my red lip tips:

KEEP IT COOL: Choose a shade with cool blue undertones. Anything with orange or coral hints will make your teeth look yellow. Try MAC's Viva Glam lipstick in intense brownish blue red.

IN THE LINES: Wear lip liner. Some makeup artists poo-poo lip liner, especially for young women, as it can be aging. But for something this drastic, you need to avoid Granny lip runs. Choose a nude shade, or one slightly lighter than your lipstick, and blend it -- no severe lines. If you color your entire lip first, it will also help maintain the color through the day. Try Cover Girl's Outlast liner in nude.

GLOSS IT OVER: You want to keep this look young and fresh, so add a dab of gloss to the center of your lower lip. It will give the illusion of fullness without making you look like a Vaseline pot. I LOVE Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush gloss, on sale now, three for $15 or six for $20. I have about 20 of them. Try Juiced Berry or Red Delicious shades for a candy apple top coat. Bonus -- they taste great.

SMILE!: You have successfully drawn the focus away from your eyebrows, which you haven't plucked in 37 days! You go, glam girl.

~ Deal Diva Stephanie

Photos: Times files, Victoriassecret.com

A boldface attempt to get more shoes

Dear Santa,

I know it's July or whatever, but I've been really good so far and stuff. So, like, just shut up and bring me some shoes, OK? I mean, for real, I've had a long week and it's high time you just put on that red clown suit of yours and do my bidding. I'm in no mood to negotiate.

I want these:

Yeah, whatever, I know they're $110. But what else will you do with the money? Feed starving kids? Adopt homeless ferrets? Pssh. SHOES. NOW. CAPICHE?

Next, I expect these also to be in your velvet knapsack of Steph's Exclusive Loot. Look closely:

I'm throwing you a bone here, Santa. They're on sale, down from $98 to $58.99. Seriously, when do you even get kids that are this accommodating? They're all, "WAA, I want a bike, WAA, my mom doesn't love me, WAA, I hate getting clothes!" See how nice I'm being? I'm giving you OPTIONS. Because that's what a Deal Diva DOES.

Oh, and don't get cute with me, Santa. I know your type. You'll probably try to be funny and leave some prank gift under my decorative silk ficus tree (What, you have YOUR frosty pine up in July?) If these come anywhere near my house, I'm telling every child in my neighborhood you don't exist:

Don't do it, Nickalaus McGee. I'm not Luke Skywalker, and you're not George Carlin. Give up the comedy schtick, go kick those lazy reindeer out of their sleep cave and GET ME SOME SHOES. 

Till Christmas,

Deal Diva Stephanie

Photos: all from piperlime.com, where Steph made the mistake of going online shoe shopping after a long day.

America's Next Top Model auditions: An insider report

We Deal Divas love us some America's Next Top Model. It's the best show. Where else can you sit, stare at flocks of beautiful women and pick them apart for the benefit of your own self-esteem? ("Her eyes are MUCH too close together... she'll never win...") Of course, we do this while shoveling armloads of Totino's Pizza Rolls into our maws, asses expanding at alarming rates. It's the ultimate cosmic karma!

Tryouts for the show came to Tampa Wednesday, and our very own St. Pete Times editorial assistant Victoria Bekiempis (pictured) tried out. She made it through the first round, so now we're anxiously waiting to hear if the producers like her enough to rocket her to reality stardom with Tyra and Miss Jay.

In case you're wondering what it's like to be judged (quite literally), here is Victoria's summation of the day. Congrats! (Who knew she was a hot dog queen?)

A hot dog queen tries out for America's Next Top Model

P.S. - For a look back, check out Deal Diva Nicole's interview with past ANTM winner Whitney Thompson!

~ Deal Diva Stephanie

Fashion advice for Corey Feldman/Michael Jackson, we forget which one

Dearest Corey Feldman,

Loved you in the Lost Boys! You were soooo great in Stand By Me. And I'm not going to lie, I even watched your wedding on the Surreal Life.

My FAVORITE, though, was when you threw that dog out the window and started dressing like Bridget Fonda in Single White Female! That was a totally brilliant performance. I mean, you looked JUST LIKE HER, and...

Hmm? Whassat? What do you mean that wasn't you? Because I thought...

Ooh. Awkward. So, uh... you just stole Michael Jackson's identity at the memorial service for funsies, then? It's not, like, for another role?

Woo boy. Well, Corey Feldman, since I have your attention...

We here at Deal Divas like to dispense fashion advice, and here is some friendly funeral know-how that everyone can use: DON'T DRESS LIKE THE PERSON WHO JUST DIED.

Oh sure, a memorial T-shirt works. You might even wear the deceased's favorite color! But I sincerely dissuade you from donning a custom Michael Jackson stalker uniform, complete with military piping, fedora and styling gel-a-plenty. It's tacky, and a little terrifying if we're being honest.

Think of it this way -- when Aunt Doris dies, will you wear her favorite dress, the one screen-printed with the Eiffel Tower? Will you wear her Dusky Dawn control top Leggs? When Grandpa goes, will you opt for his WWII windbreaker and "WINNER OF BEST GRANDPA AWARD" baseball cap? I should hope not.

I'm glad we had this talk. Try a little harder not to be creepy next time, will you? I have to go now. Desperately Seeking Susan just came on! You were so good in that.

Forever yours,

~ Deal Diva Stephanie

Photo: AP shot of Corey Feldman arriving creepily at Michael Jackson's memorial service Tuesday.

Looking ruffled, in a good way

Ruffles are rippling through summer and fall fashions.

They cascade down the front of blouses, garnish the toes of shoes, flutter on sleeves and seams of dresses. They are both feminine and arty, echoing the past with twists for the present.

Here, some of my favorite takes on the trend. One caution: Avoid adding bulk with too much fluff. If you are big-chested, draped or neck ruffles might work better than a big Edwardian poof right in the center of your blouse.

Forever 21 has a ton of ruffle-front tops in a wide range of colors (click here, here and here). The beauty of these blouses is in their versatility. They look great for work with a pencil skirt and transition easily into a night or weekend outfit when paired with jeans.

I own this BP Cleo wedge from Nordstrom in tan and can vouch for its comfort. The shoe offers a way to subtly incorporate ruffles into your wardrobe. If you only want dip your toe into this trend (ha, ha), this minimalist option could be just the introduction.

First, I'm partial to anything in coral tones, especially during the summer. I also like the soft elegance of the ruffle detail on this Ann Taylor sheath dress. Some people might feel like ruffles are too girly, but this design shows how they can be incorporated without overwhelming an outfit. Or, if you need no easing in, you can add more drama with looks like this, this, and this.

~ Deal Diva Colleen

J. Crew is cutting prices to get your business

There's a big ole' summer sale going on at J. Crew at International Plaza right now, where they need to make room for the new fall merchandise coming in on July 26.

Even if your favorites haven't hit the sale rack yet, J. Crew is offering some other ways to save a buck. (We know that First Lady Michelle Obama has gotten kudos for her loyalty to this "affordable" chain, but J. Crew is still fairly pricey for lots of us. So, yay deals.)

Teachers and students with valid ID receive 15 percent off full-priced items only at the International Plaza store whenever they shop. The new school year isn't all that far away...

For everyone else, J. Crew is trying to evolve with the times by making it less expensive to buy quality clothes. The chain has lowered prices slightly on some of its staple pieces, a J. Crew personal shopper told me this week. The timeless Jackie cardigan now sells regularly for $59.50, rather than its former $64.60 price point. Jeans are now cheaper, too. Not cheap, but cheaper.

~ Deal Diva Colleen

(Photo: Reuters. Michelle Obama stirred a shopping frenzy at J. Crew in April after wearing this sparkly sweater in London.)

A diva's quickie summer reading list

Don't know about you, but the stack of books on my summer reading list is thigh-high. Okay, that's a slight stretch, but the books I'm still hoping to read this summer definitely outnumber the ones I've finished.

But we're not about feeling guilty here at Deal Divas. We have enough to worry us outside our happy little blog world! This is a place to feel joyful! Encouraged! Inspired!

In that spirit, here is a short fashion summer reading list, made up from some of the worthwhile and/or thought-provoking beauty-related pieces I've perused lately on the Web. 

* Don't fret about indulging in the occasional pedicure. Turns out, you are helping to save the economy.

* Ever wonder about the origins of the trustworthy Little Black Dress? Check out this interesting slide show.

* What does Jenny Sanford's wardrobe say about how she is responding to her governor husband's adultery? Robin Givhan offers her take.

* Somehow, skinny jeans for men continue to thrive. Eh, I still don't get that one.

Okay, read. Consider. Discuss.

~ Deal Diva Colleen

Quote of the day: Manolo Blahnik

“Are shoes so important? Really? If I was a woman, I would be dressed in the same thing for a month and just change my hat and gloves. Maybe my shoes too; yes, I see what you mean but, really, it’s jewels that change an outfit. And I do love gloves. And I adddore hats. There are toooo many shoes now."

-- Manolo Blahnik, hilariously dissing shoes, the very accessory that made him a freakin' fortune.

He spoke with Financial Times during fashion week in Milan. Read on to find out his thoughts on platform shoes ("They are suburban! I never do a platform"), flats ("They make you walk like a reindeer") and his collection of every shoe he has ever designed (note: he bought a second house just to store them all).

Summer lovin' in a white summer dress

How do I love thee, oh white summer dress?

Let me count the ways:

* You are modest, virginal even. But you can help even the goodie-est girls to flirt with naughty in a peak-a-boo hemline and plunging neck.

* You make even the palest arm looks tanned. Women with darker skin tones are radiant.

* You project ice. But paired with a wild colored wedge or metallic flat sandal, you are hot, hot, hot.

* While everywhere this season, you are no passing trend. The white summer dress is a classic to be worn for the ages.

Not convinced? Consider the limitless potential: Dainty eyelet or uptown linen? Crisp cotton or sexy silk? Dress up with pearls, or down with bangles?

Trust me, it's impossible to regret the purchase of a white summer dress.

~ Deal Diva Letitia

Photos: Whet your appetite for white dresses with these cuties: a Calvin Klein number from Dillard's, left, and a Banana Republic embroidered shift dress, right.

Beyonce debuts Sasha Fierce clothing line

No doubt, Beyonce's voice was fierce during her song medley at last Sunday's BET Awards. Her red carpet and stage ensembles, however, were not. And I'm being nice.

On the heels of that performance, Women's Wear Daily reported this week that Beyonce's alter-ego, Sasha Fierce, is about to make her own fashion statement. Not to pile on, but I'm afraid this effort doesn't rate very well either.

The problem with Sasha Fierce for Dereon, the new junior apparel label being launched by the singer and her mother, isn't necessarily in the design. The collection definitely has the edge and trendiness that mama Tina Knowles says "reflects Sasha Fierce's daring and outgoing attitude."

But where, exactly, are junior-sized girls and teens in Average City, America, supposed to wear what Tina calls "really over the top" jewelry, shoes and eyewear with large chains in mixed metals, heavily studded shoes, one-shoulder dresses, black bodysuits or deconstructed jeans with mesh and lace details lining the ripped material? Would these looks, which will be available in time for back-to-school shopping, actually fly in classrooms? Or will they be relegated to nightclubs and those lucky enough to get a ticket to one of Beyonce's shows on her world tour (without their parents catching a look at them on the way out of the house)? 

The price is right for the Sasha Fierce line, which wholesales from $25 to $75. So far, it has been picked up by Dillard's department stores and Macy's. Here's to hoping that teenyboppers and their petite elders will find pieces that add just the right touch of fierceness to their wardrobe, such as the fake leather jacket with an oversize collar shown here, without making their mamas grimace or blush.

~ Deal Diva Colleen

(Photos from WWD, featuring new looks from the Sasha Fierce for Dereon line)